Today I made entries 2 and 3 of 3 using bashblog from Carlos Fenollosa and, again, am thinking about how much I don't know.
Why does it feel so great to write something and have a computer do my bidding? Why do I continue to pursue this?
Bash Blog Mash Mog Dash Dog Crash Cog Tash Tog
Today I am updating my webl with putty on my Nokia E7. This is a lovely device to use for tilde. It has both hard and soft features making it nearly perfect for all but the css-iest and javascriptiest websites. The hardware keys and easy access to symbols and shortcuts are a treat. The web browser even has a built-in RSS reader.
Of course, it is freakin small.
One time a co-worker on a farm where I labored told me, "you know, Greg, you are incredibly sufficient."
He was right, of course. I'm firmly in the middle of the bell curve. I can do many, many things. I'm not a Master™ nor award-winner nor record holder. I'm surrounded by the entire range of skill specialization and diversity. For example, I've fallen in with a couple of crowds on the internet populated by folks with awe-inspiring backgrounds, skills and talents. Maybe surrounded is the best term. I see that group more from the outside. Or near the edge, not always able to determine where I fit. I hover on the periphery like an extra in a movie credited as "Gang Member 8" or under a heading "Choir Members".
From there I can see the genius, the talent and the skill. I see the effort and the drive and the attempts and products. I envy. I can even learn from it.
I want to be as good at doing the thing as I need to be so I can get this other thing done really well; done right. But to be that good, I have to stop spending time on the other unrelated thing. 43 years of bouncing around results in a jack-of-all trades, master of none.
I don't know what I'd do if I had to specialized. I think I would choke and die. Or fight my way out somehow. (Then die.) Yet I look back on my work and see mediocrity. A mediocrity resulting from trying to try it all. I wanted to at least try it all.
So what's more important? Do I have to choose? Do I try to try everything? Or do I try to be among the best at something? Is being that good at something even possible for a 43 year old? And is being that good at something one of the things I might want to try?
At times I get so caught up in this stupid cycle that I get nothing done.
Most of the time, what I get done is sufficient. No better, no worse. And when I'm caught in the cycle, sufficient is incredible.
There are three lists on my mind these days:
The other I'm going to have to talk about later.
People on both the first two lists have ideas about why they're on the lists. I didn't put them there. They got there through circumstances out of my control. Some of them share ideas, thoughts, projects. Others are silent and hidden. Perhaps they lurk in the wings, perhaps they have forgotten completely they're on those lists.
One of the topics of discussion is "what does [this list] and that fact that I'm involved mean to me?". I ask this of myself and I keep coming back to the same observation: I'm in for the smart people. I'm in it to be around people smarter than me. I'm in it because I can learn so much. I'm in it because I must listen.
I'm not always a very good listener. So I'm in training.
